Shaping a happy childhood Guest Post by Erica Johnson What can a parent do to foster a happy environment for kids? Make Time for Your Child Whether it's reading together, tossing a ball around, or mixing up some brownies in the kitchen, carving out quality time with your kiddo is essential to his or her emotional health. Giving your child some time where your focus is on only him or her can reaffirm that you'll be present when times get tough. According to LiveScience.com, you should try to eliminate distractions during this time. If you're on your phone during your special time together, you could end up sending the message that you're prioritizing the phone instead of him or her. Don't Worry; Be Happy! In Christine Carter, PhD's book Raising Happiness, she explains: "Extensive research has established a substantial link between mothers who feel depressed and 'negative outcomes' in their children, such as acting out and other behavioral problems." If you're feeling stressed or down, take a much-needed time out! A date with your spouse or a night out with friends can recharge your mental batteries and help you be a better parent. Going out not your thing?
When you're feeling stressed throughout the day, try jamming out with your babe to your favorite tunes or take a stroll with your little one while chatting about what you see. You can find a helpful guide to choosing the best stroller here. *Note: If you feel blue for prolonged periods of time, speak with your doctor about managing your symptoms. Help Your Child Balance Work and Play Structured and unstructured activities are both key components of your child's development. If you and your child are constantly running back and forth between dance classes, piano lessons, math tutoring, playdates, and educational field trips, you might need to leave a blank space in your planner. Self-directed play allows your child to exercise control over his or her own life and to feel freer and happier overall. Encourage your child to have free time outdoors whenever possible; according to an article from CBC.ca, "Kids are often more interested in natural spaces than pre-fabricated play structures." However, if your child shows interest in playing a team sport or joining a club, these structured activities can increase your child's confidence. Regularly Eat Meals With Your Child In a study from August 2004, researchers found that "frequency of family meals was inversely associated with depressive symptoms and suicide involvement". Sharing meal time provides an opportunity to teach your child, to share feelings and experiences, and for you and your child to practice good manners and eating habits together. Not only does sitting down to eat together increase family connectedness, it can also improve your child's health with reduced rates of obesity, eating disorders, and drug abuse. Being healthy makes it easier to be happy. How do you help your children be happier?What are your tips for raising happy children? Comment below! About EricaErica Johnson is the main editor for Inner Parents and is a very proud mother of two. She is passionate about the latest parenting tips & baby products. You can follow her on Twitter or Pinterest.
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 How to Simplify Your Life to Focus on FamilyGuest post by Wendy Rouse Rohin // Wendy is a mother and Pediatric Physical Therapist with a doctoral degree and over 10 years of experience working with preemies, infants and older children with all different abilities. She absolutely love working with babies and is passionate about helping new moms and dads not only survive but THRIVE during baby's first year and beyond! You can email her, find her on Facebook, or learn more at EverythingBabies.org. This post originally appeared on EverythingBabies.org. Parenting in the modern world is unnecessarily cluttered with distractions and multitasking. Unfortunately–despite all the current advances and technology of our time–no one has yet to invent the SuperMom pill. (Don’t worry, I’m working on it.) So, in the meantime, you have to prioritize with intention, or the important things (people) will become neglected and…well…less important. Please, read on if you interested in some ideas on how to simplify your life and focus on family. Now, don’t get me wrong…it’s definitely a work in progress, not a level of achievement. (Once again, there will be no trophy or medal ceremony for this act of parental amazingness. Sorry.) Almost every day, I set my intentions and work very hard to keep my life as simple as possible, filling it with only what is loved or needed. But it’s still hard, sometimes, and I have to struggle to keep my focus and priorities on what is most important–my family. “So what do you suggest we do, EB?” Here are some ideas I’ve implemented to be the most intentional–and the least distracted– mom I can be, so I can focus on family. I don’t feel like I’ll ever arrive at complete success in this category…because I am imperfectly human, after all. I give you, dear readers, permission to set the bar really low as you start off on your personal quest. (You’re welcome.) How to Simplify Your Life so you can Focus on Family: 5 Great Tips 1. Make a list of your top priorities. You may want to review or edit your list often, every day if necessary. My priority list is titled “Focus on Family”. Then I have daily To-Do lists in order of priority. My lists are in the “notes” section of my iPhone, which syncs with my apple computer. I usually have one other the other within my reach at all times. Other people do it differently, but you must write it down and keep your lists with you wherever you go. Do you have a hard time saying “no” or put others before you and your family? (This is you if you have a nurturer, giver, people pleaser or empathic personality.) You may want to start with a less specific to-do list or wish list that you keep on your phone or planner, then make the priority list every day to keep your daily routine focused and simplified. I try to work on a daily list at bedtime, so I can go to sleep knowing my intentions are set for the next day. Sometimes I do it on a lazy, weekend morning when I’m not in a time crunch and I can plan ahead. I don’t know about you all, but I am much more productive when I’m busy. And I lost at least half of my memory and thinking skills when my daughter was born. (It’s a terminal illness every parent has to live with, I know.) So, the fleeting thought of “Well…hmmm…I don’t really have to do anything… right now…” actually sets off a ping of anxiety in my stomach. I must be forgetting something really important! (Hence, the lists.) 2. Spend money wisely. Stick to your budget! Prioritize–and be very intentional about–your purchases. Ask yourself, “Is this something we really need? Do we already have something that serves the same purpose? Will this make my life more simple? Will this help me focus on my family?” I almost always regret impulse buys and material purchases that aren’t fulfilling . Do I really need another cute skirt in my closet with the tags on it? I definitely don’t need a new sparkly iPhone case that won’t really protect my phone when I already bought a $90 Lifeproof case that is working quite well. I’m terrible about returning things, so they sit around the house, reminding me of my bad decisions. And if I just keep on driving past that yummy taco shop (eyes forward!), we can save family time, money and calories eating at home, together. I could write a lot more about spending money with intention, but I want you, dear readers, to implement this concept in ways that resonate with you. If you are focused on family and keeping your life simple, you may find that it’s not that hard to pass up on a lot of unfulfilling and unnecessary purchases. 3. Be more efficient. A.K.A– “Don’t waste your precious time”. Busy parents barely have time every day for the necessary tasks, why crazify (yep, my new word–do you like it?) your day even more with inefficiencies? Leaving the house to run only one errand? Stopping at a fast-food joint when you are on your way home from the grocery store? Playing CandyCrush for 45 minutes straight at your daughter’s therapy appointment? Scandalous! Do we really need to see everything that everyone is doing every day on Facebook? Just because you want to stay in touch with 300 of your best friends from childhood or college, doesn’t mean they all have to be on your news feed. You can just click over to their page when you are thinking about them, right? That’s easy enough. I’m guessing about 95-99% of the posts on my news feed are not more important or more meaningful that the parts of my life I’m neglecting when I’m mindlessly scrolling through. Now don’t get me wrong. We all need some brainless distractions to maintain a barely functional level of sanity. But our “mental breaks” on social distractions are actually complicating our lives and minds with unnecessary clutter, making it harder to focus on what’s really important. Have you ever tried to decrease your data plan for a month or “unplug” your social media sources for a day? You’d be surprised how much more time you have. If that’s sounds totally impossible to you, would you try setting a timer to limit your time on Facebook or Pinterest? Your kids may even notice how much more attention they are getting from you. (Attention=less whining, right?) You significant other might even notice how much more relaxed you are by the end of the day. Make sure you have your list of priorities handy to keep you from feeling bored (Ha!) or anxious. 4. Purge the unnecessaries. This applies to not only material items, but activities, habits, and people who don’t mesh with your intention to simplify your life and focus on family. Learn to say “no” if something is asked of you that doesn’t fit this purpose. You may find that you have more time and energy to say “yes” to more things that bring you happiness, like quality time with your family, or doing something for yourself. (Totally foreign concept, I know.) Appreciate what you have. Get rid of what you don’t need. Clutter and baggage contribute to your underlying stress and anxiety, even though you don’t really consciously “see it.” Don’t focus on what you think you need or want. You might be surprised what you can cross off your To-Do or wish list using this frame of mind. 5.Breathe and listen. Conscious, intentional deep breathing can really help you recharge and maintain the energy and focus you need to get through the day. It only takes ten breaths in through your nose, filling up your belly (not your chest) to reset your body’s resting, relaxed state. With 10 intentional diaphragmatic (belly) breaths, you can lower your heart rate, blood pressure, stress levels, anxiety, and pain, to name a few. Try this while trying to fall asleep, sitting at a stop light, or on the toilet, (because sometimes that’s the only free time we can get, right?). When you have a little more time, go outside, sit or lay comfortably and close your eyes. Pay attention to the sounds and sensations surrounding you, that you normally wouldn’t even notice. Listen to the birds and leaves in the trees. Feel the air on your skin and your breath inside your nose. Let your muscles melt into the surface with each exhale….. Hey! Wake up!! That’s all for now. It’s time for me to find something healthy for dinner. I hope this post at least jump starts your intention to simplify your life so you can focus on your family. Thanks so much for reading! Do you have some other suggestions? I could use some fresh ideas and old reminders, myself. It’s easy to let life get ahead of us, but it’s not too hard to reel it back in! Share your thoughts below! Love this article? Let Wendy know!
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| About the sleep expert: Pediatric Sleep Consultant Pachi Parra has been working with children and parents for the last 3 years as a professional nanny. Seeing how many sleepless families are out there, she decided to take her childcare career to a new level; with a gentle and simple approach, she teaches their children to sleep well. Pachi was personally trained by Dana Obleman, the creator of The Sleep Sense TM Program, whose methods have been used worldwide by more than 30,000 families to solve their children's sleep problems. This program stresses the importance of teaching the children how to soothe themselves into a deep, restful sleep. Her goal is to help families to be happier and healthier one sleep at time, educating and empowering parents in the best ways to guide their children into good sleep habits. |
If you’re having a hard day, give yourself permission to relax!
3 Strategies to Strengthen Your Relationships Through Depression
Guest post by Samantha McDonald
Samantha is a Life and Family Coach who mentors women through life-struggles such as depression and anxiety, helping them thrive so they can experience overwhelming peace and real joy. She is also happily married to her husband of almost 20 years. Together they have 3 children - 2 daughters and 1 son. Her two youngest have ADHD and anxiety, and her son is also on the Autism Spectrum. She loves all things Pinterest, having date nights with her husband, and family movie nights with the whole family. Life would not be complete without her furry children - 2 cats, Daisy and Oreo, and 1 crazy black lab, Ruger.
It was 2:00 am. I had just nursed my daughter for what seemed like the 10th time that night, and she would not go back to sleep. So naturally, I reacted with anger. I left her in the bedroom with my husband while I went downstairs to have a temper tantrum. Slamming cupboard doors, yanking dishes out of the sink, and throwing pillows across the living room.
This was my life for the first 8 months of my newborn daughter’s first year. I had waited 5 years to have my first child. We were ready and we were both excited. So when we brought her home I was expecting sweet baby cuddles, joy-filled moments, and a heart that was overwhelmed with love for my child.
Needless to say that did not happen.
The first year of her life was a cycle of anger, guilt, and self-condemnation. This continued for days, weeks and then months, until my husband finally suggested I go see the doctor. Once I did, changed everything. She totally understood what I was going through and placed me on a plan towards healing.
During this time, I realized I had been experiencing depression all my life. It was especially difficult after the birth of my first and third child. Through medication, counseling, and help from my family, I’ve been able to win the daily battle with depression and anxiety.
Now that others know more about our story, my husband and I have been asked often, “How do you support someone who is going through this life experience?”
My family has had A LOT of experience helping me through these times. There are many ways my family and friends have helped me, but there are 3 key strategies that my family has implemented that help me every single day.
Listen
When someone is experiencing depression and anxiety, it can be very difficult for them to explain how they’re feeling. As a friend or family member who has no idea what this feels like, you may find yourself believing they’re simply not trying hard enough or tell them they need to “get over it”. Saying things like this does not help them. They need to feel free to express their feelings and be completely honest with you.
This exercise is not for the faint of heart. It is a process you will need to practice every day. As my husband as told others, “I had to learn to listen with my ears open rather than my mouth."
Know Your Enemy
It may appear at times that your loved one is the enemy, especially if he or she is having a very difficult time controlling their emotions. As someone with a depression diagnosis myself, I was often very angry, feeling like I was constantly yelling at my family. During these times, my family had to remind themselves that I was not the enemy. I was being hijacked by an ugly, controlling disease that would not let go easily.
As you are helping your loved one, keeping this perspective in mind helps you not take his or her words or actions personally. Remember, they often don’t realize what they are doing, until the damage is already done.
Create a Strategy
Our family had to come up with a plan for when I had a depressive episode. This strategy reflected our unique family make-up so it may look different for everyone. There are 3 ways I helped my family understand how I was feeling and how they could help me through it.
These are just a few of the strategies we’ve implemented in our own family. There may be many more that work for you and your household. If you’re looking for other strategies to help you and your family, I created a free guide, “How to Talk to Each Other About Depression”.
This was my life for the first 8 months of my newborn daughter’s first year. I had waited 5 years to have my first child. We were ready and we were both excited. So when we brought her home I was expecting sweet baby cuddles, joy-filled moments, and a heart that was overwhelmed with love for my child.
Needless to say that did not happen.
The first year of her life was a cycle of anger, guilt, and self-condemnation. This continued for days, weeks and then months, until my husband finally suggested I go see the doctor. Once I did, changed everything. She totally understood what I was going through and placed me on a plan towards healing.
During this time, I realized I had been experiencing depression all my life. It was especially difficult after the birth of my first and third child. Through medication, counseling, and help from my family, I’ve been able to win the daily battle with depression and anxiety.
Now that others know more about our story, my husband and I have been asked often, “How do you support someone who is going through this life experience?”
My family has had A LOT of experience helping me through these times. There are many ways my family and friends have helped me, but there are 3 key strategies that my family has implemented that help me every single day.
Listen
When someone is experiencing depression and anxiety, it can be very difficult for them to explain how they’re feeling. As a friend or family member who has no idea what this feels like, you may find yourself believing they’re simply not trying hard enough or tell them they need to “get over it”. Saying things like this does not help them. They need to feel free to express their feelings and be completely honest with you.
This exercise is not for the faint of heart. It is a process you will need to practice every day. As my husband as told others, “I had to learn to listen with my ears open rather than my mouth."
Know Your Enemy
It may appear at times that your loved one is the enemy, especially if he or she is having a very difficult time controlling their emotions. As someone with a depression diagnosis myself, I was often very angry, feeling like I was constantly yelling at my family. During these times, my family had to remind themselves that I was not the enemy. I was being hijacked by an ugly, controlling disease that would not let go easily.
As you are helping your loved one, keeping this perspective in mind helps you not take his or her words or actions personally. Remember, they often don’t realize what they are doing, until the damage is already done.
Create a Strategy
Our family had to come up with a plan for when I had a depressive episode. This strategy reflected our unique family make-up so it may look different for everyone. There are 3 ways I helped my family understand how I was feeling and how they could help me through it.
- Open and honest communication - No one can read your mind. Speak your mind the moment you’re feeling on edge, irritated, or angry. Do not wait until it gets too bad.
- Time alone - When I felt myself begin to walk on that emotional treadmill, often I simply needed 5 - 10 minutes alone to regain my composure. My family knew if I asked for some time alone in my bedroom, they needed to give it to me. It was for my best interest as well as theirs.
- Permission to take some time off - Especially as women, we place so much extra pressure on ourselves. If you’re having a hard day, give yourself permission to relax! This was more difficult for me, then for my family. They are often asking me to sit and relax with them.
These are just a few of the strategies we’ve implemented in our own family. There may be many more that work for you and your household. If you’re looking for other strategies to help you and your family, I created a free guide, “How to Talk to Each Other About Depression”.
Like the article? Let Samantha know!
| You can find Melissa on your favorite social channels: | |
"The only thing you are supposed to do is to live a wholehearted life. Whatever you do: do it wholeheartedly. Whatever you want to be: be it wholeheartedly."
You Are Enough
Guest post by Melissa Robbins // My name is Melissa. I'm a human, wife, mother, personal trainer and life coach. I'm just trying to make the world a little better, happier and healthier.
I told my crying, overtired baby that I wasn't a great mom today but tomorrow I'll be better.
It was a "shot day" for my 15 month old son, so off to the doctor we went. Afterwards we dropped him off at his grandparents like we do every Tuesday. When I picked him up that afternoon I was thinking that I really needed to give him some one-on-one attention ... then I got an email for a last minute webinar so I watched it while he played. I put him in his high chair, fed him dinner and took a call from a friend I wanted to catch up with. Before I knew it he was having to visibly show me it was time for him to go to bed. Most days I'm patient and attentive but on this day I told my crying, overtired baby that I wasn't a great mom today but I'd be better tomorrow. And you know what, I'm still a great mom. I'm still enough.
I don't doubt myself. Do I think I do everything perfectly? No, not even close. But that's not what I think makes a great mom, or a great anything for that matter.
I don't know the true definition of perfection but I do know what it is not. Perfectionism is NOT the same thing as striving to do your best and it is NOT self-improvement. Perfectionism is really just the quickest path to anxiety, depression and life paralysis. I struggle a bit (or a lot) with bouts of depression in the winter. And typically by February I'm really having to work hard to keep myself peaceful and healthy, so this winter I've found my cure... I'm still running and walking outside even though I don't like the cold. And here is the best part, it was doctor prescribed!
To equip the stroller for these winter excursions I've got all the goods: a wool seat cover to keep him nice and toasty, all the winter clothing he can fit, and even a weather shield to encompass the entire stroller. Someone actually scolded me for taking my child out in the cold for my own selfish reasons. For the record, not one part of his body was bothered by the cold. In fact, when I took him out of the stroller his back was sweaty. This exchange did not for one second make me question my parenting. It did, however, make me question our society.
We live in a society that has a really, really long list of unwritten rules. Bylaws that we live by because we are "supposed" to. The way you are supposed to live, work, look, be and the things you are supposed to have. What are the consequences of breaking those rules... nothing.
We are paralyzed by the fear that everyone else may not approve. We're missing the mark. In my opinion (and I think it's a good one) the only thing you are supposed to do is to live a wholehearted life. Whatever you do: do it wholeheartedly. Whatever you want to be: be it wholeheartedly. In the spirit of this holiday season I urge you to take a vow with me. Vow to give up the ever illusive perfect life and start living wholeheartedly. I promise you that I will always support you in that. There will be days that you did it all really, really well and then there will be days that you put your crying, overtired baby to bed and tell him you weren't a great parent today but tomorrow you'll do better. And you'll still be great.
You'll still be enough.
Sweat & Smiles,
Melissa
It was a "shot day" for my 15 month old son, so off to the doctor we went. Afterwards we dropped him off at his grandparents like we do every Tuesday. When I picked him up that afternoon I was thinking that I really needed to give him some one-on-one attention ... then I got an email for a last minute webinar so I watched it while he played. I put him in his high chair, fed him dinner and took a call from a friend I wanted to catch up with. Before I knew it he was having to visibly show me it was time for him to go to bed. Most days I'm patient and attentive but on this day I told my crying, overtired baby that I wasn't a great mom today but I'd be better tomorrow. And you know what, I'm still a great mom. I'm still enough.
I don't doubt myself. Do I think I do everything perfectly? No, not even close. But that's not what I think makes a great mom, or a great anything for that matter.
I don't know the true definition of perfection but I do know what it is not. Perfectionism is NOT the same thing as striving to do your best and it is NOT self-improvement. Perfectionism is really just the quickest path to anxiety, depression and life paralysis. I struggle a bit (or a lot) with bouts of depression in the winter. And typically by February I'm really having to work hard to keep myself peaceful and healthy, so this winter I've found my cure... I'm still running and walking outside even though I don't like the cold. And here is the best part, it was doctor prescribed!
To equip the stroller for these winter excursions I've got all the goods: a wool seat cover to keep him nice and toasty, all the winter clothing he can fit, and even a weather shield to encompass the entire stroller. Someone actually scolded me for taking my child out in the cold for my own selfish reasons. For the record, not one part of his body was bothered by the cold. In fact, when I took him out of the stroller his back was sweaty. This exchange did not for one second make me question my parenting. It did, however, make me question our society.
We live in a society that has a really, really long list of unwritten rules. Bylaws that we live by because we are "supposed" to. The way you are supposed to live, work, look, be and the things you are supposed to have. What are the consequences of breaking those rules... nothing.
We are paralyzed by the fear that everyone else may not approve. We're missing the mark. In my opinion (and I think it's a good one) the only thing you are supposed to do is to live a wholehearted life. Whatever you do: do it wholeheartedly. Whatever you want to be: be it wholeheartedly. In the spirit of this holiday season I urge you to take a vow with me. Vow to give up the ever illusive perfect life and start living wholeheartedly. I promise you that I will always support you in that. There will be days that you did it all really, really well and then there will be days that you put your crying, overtired baby to bed and tell him you weren't a great parent today but tomorrow you'll do better. And you'll still be great.
You'll still be enough.
Sweat & Smiles,
Melissa
Like the article? Let Melissa know!
| You can find Melissa at her website or any of your favorite social channels: | |
About Katie
Wife & Mama with a passion for peaceful parenting, natural living, homeschooling... and my daily café au lait.
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