I've started this post at least 23423 times. That's an accurate count too.
What can I say about fatherhood that hasn't already been said?
It's no shocker to learn that our society struggles with fatherhood and masculinity. Think of this: when a woman is with her children, she is mothering them. When a father is with his kids, he is "babysitting." How often have you heard that? We are quick to label fathers as dead beats or softies or hands-off. So in an effort to show some of the Daddies some love for father's day, I thought I'd share some fun facts about fatherhood.
Fun facts about fatherhood
How to show fathers some lovin'
I've written many, many times about the book The Five Love Languages... and this is another prime example of when to use it. Because let's face it.. not all dads like power tools and neck ties. And someone so important deserves a gift that shows a little love and attention.
If Dad's love language is acts of services, then doing (rather than giving) will fill up his love tank.
Our weekends are usually devoted to family activities, but this past weekend was so busy we all found ourselves with our own commitments or activities. Saturday morning started bright and early at a Color Run to benefit Riley's Children's Hospital. I manned a vendor booth while my husband and oldest ran the race. (Proud Mama right here!) My little had his own adventure day with Meem.
After the race, I had other commitments out in the countryside, and I began my solo trek. I'm usually never alone. You know the drill - toddlers and young children follow you everyone. So when I am alone, I almost don't know what to do. Just kidding, I do know what to do - blast my favorite music and sing along, which is exactly what I did.
But the further I drove along, I turned off the music and just listened to the hum of the car, the wind against the windows. It was almost hypnotic, meditative.
Where am I going?
I was lost in a train of thought so beautiful and complex I marveled at how I seamlessly jumped from topic to topic, year to year in my head. A random (or is it random?) thought about something from years ago connected beautifully to something that happened just days ago. I was absolutely lost in my own thoughts. Then I quickly jolted out of my reverie and wondered where am I? But I was right on track, following old roads I had traveled since I was a newborn going to my grandmother's farm. Muscle memory kicked in and knew when to make turns and when to go straight, but still even this puzzled me. Even thought I was there and I was driving, I was being pulled along the familiar roads passively. Is that like the rest of life? Am I just going with the flow or am I actively choosing to turn left, turn right, go straight?
Where are you going?
Where are you going? Those words take me back to high school. ?Quo Vadis? was a movie we watched in my Latin class (and yes I love Latin if you couldn't tell from the name of my blog). In the movie, a pagan Roman military leaders begins to fall in love with a Christian prisoner and he too begins to question where his life is headed. But, pagan emperor struggles aside, the same questions apply to your life.
You can't necessarily answer these questions in a day or even a week, but you should be asking them. Regularly. Think about sailing across the ocean. ( I may have Moana on the brain.) It's easier to get back on course in the beginning of the journey; the longer you stray off course, the longer it takes to reach your destination.
So I ask again, where are you going?
It's tempting to try to rush through meal prep in order to get food on the table. I get it. I know dinner (or lunch or breakfast) can be stressful. (Read this post for reducing meal time stress.) We all know that eating together is important but actually cooking together can be an opportunity for bonding too! If you can slow down (just a little bit) and invite your kids into the kitchen, you not only get a chance to chat, but you have a valuable teaching opportunity to impart your culinary and nutrition wisdom on your kids.
The key is to start simple. Use a simple recipe and hand over the reigns. The recipe above is easy and even my littles can do almost the entire recipe without help.
Tips for using cooking as a bonding tool
How do you use food and cooking as a bonding tool? What are your favorite recipes to cook with your kids? Comment below!
How to Simplify Your Life to Focus on Family
Guest post by Wendy Rouse Rohin // Wendy is a mother and Pediatric Physical Therapist with a doctoral degree and over 10 years of experience working with preemies, infants and older children with all different abilities. She absolutely love working with babies and is passionate about helping new moms and dads not only survive but THRIVE during baby's first year and beyond! You can email her, find her on Facebook, or learn more at EverythingBabies.org.
This post originally appeared on EverythingBabies.org.
Parenting in the modern world is unnecessarily cluttered with distractions and multitasking. Unfortunately–despite all the current advances and technology of our time–no one has yet to invent the SuperMom pill. (Don’t worry, I’m working on it.) So, in the meantime, you have to prioritize with intention, or the important things (people) will become neglected and…well…less important. Please, read on if you interested in some ideas on how to simplify your life and focus on family.
Now, don’t get me wrong…it’s definitely a work in progress, not a level of achievement. (Once again, there will be no trophy or medal ceremony for this act of parental amazingness. Sorry.) Almost every day, I set my intentions and work very hard to keep my life as simple as possible, filling it with only what is loved or needed. But it’s still hard, sometimes, and I have to struggle to keep my focus and priorities on what is most important–my family.
“So what do you suggest we do, EB?”
Here are some ideas I’ve implemented to be the most intentional–and the least distracted– mom I can be, so I can focus on family. I don’t feel like I’ll ever arrive at complete success in this category…because I am imperfectly human, after all. I give you, dear readers, permission to set the bar really low as you start off on your personal quest. (You’re welcome.)
How to Simplify Your Life so you can Focus on Family: 5 Great Tips
1. Make a list of your top priorities.
You may want to review or edit your list often, every day if necessary. My priority list is titled “Focus on Family”. Then I have daily To-Do lists in order of priority. My lists are in the “notes” section of my iPhone, which syncs with my apple computer. I usually have one other the other within my reach at all times. Other people do it differently, but you must write it down and keep your lists with you wherever you go.
Do you have a hard time saying “no” or put others before you and your family? (This is you if you have a nurturer, giver, people pleaser or empathic personality.) You may want to start with a less specific to-do list or wish list that you keep on your phone or planner, then make the priority list every day to keep your daily routine focused and simplified.
I try to work on a daily list at bedtime, so I can go to sleep knowing my intentions are set for the next day. Sometimes I do it on a lazy, weekend morning when I’m not in a time crunch and I can plan ahead.
I don’t know about you all, but I am much more productive when I’m busy. And I lost at least half of my memory and thinking skills when my daughter was born. (It’s a terminal illness every parent has to live with, I know.) So, the fleeting thought of “Well…hmmm…I don’t really have to do anything… right now…” actually sets off a ping of anxiety in my stomach. I must be forgetting something really important! (Hence, the lists.)
2. Spend money wisely.
Stick to your budget! Prioritize–and be very intentional about–your purchases. Ask yourself, “Is this something we really need? Do we already have something that serves the same purpose? Will this make my life more simple? Will this help me focus on my family?”
I almost always regret impulse buys and material purchases that aren’t fulfilling . Do I really need another cute skirt in my closet with the tags on it? I definitely don’t need a new sparkly iPhone case that won’t really protect my phone when I already bought a $90 Lifeproof case that is working quite well.
I’m terrible about returning things, so they sit around the house, reminding me of my bad decisions. And if I just keep on driving past that yummy taco shop (eyes forward!), we can save family time, money and calories eating at home, together.
I could write a lot more about spending money with intention, but I want you, dear readers, to implement this concept in ways that resonate with you. If you are focused on family and keeping your life simple, you may find that it’s not that hard to pass up on a lot of unfulfilling and unnecessary purchases.
3. Be more efficient.
A.K.A– “Don’t waste your precious time”. Busy parents barely have time every day for the necessary tasks, why crazify (yep, my new word–do you like it?) your day even more with inefficiencies? Leaving the house to run only one errand? Stopping at a fast-food joint when you are on your way home from the grocery store? Playing CandyCrush for 45 minutes straight at your daughter’s therapy appointment? Scandalous!
Do we really need to see everything that everyone is doing every day on Facebook? Just because you want to stay in touch with 300 of your best friends from childhood or college, doesn’t mean they all have to be on your news feed. You can just click over to their page when you are thinking about them, right? That’s easy enough. I’m guessing about 95-99% of the posts on my news feed are not more important or more meaningful that the parts of my life I’m neglecting when I’m mindlessly scrolling through.
Now don’t get me wrong. We all need some brainless distractions to maintain a barely functional level of sanity. But our “mental breaks” on social distractions are actually complicating our lives and minds with unnecessary clutter, making it harder to focus on what’s really important.
Have you ever tried to decrease your data plan for a month or “unplug” your social media sources for a day? You’d be surprised how much more time you have. If that’s sounds totally impossible to you, would you try setting a timer to limit your time on Facebook or Pinterest?
Your kids may even notice how much more attention they are getting from you. (Attention=less whining, right?) You significant other might even notice how much more relaxed you are by the end of the day. Make sure you have your list of priorities handy to keep you from feeling bored (Ha!) or anxious.
4. Purge the unnecessaries.
This applies to not only material items, but activities, habits, and people who don’t mesh with your intention to simplify your life and focus on family. Learn to say “no” if something is asked of you that doesn’t fit this purpose. You may find that you have more time and energy to say “yes” to more things that bring you happiness, like quality time with your family, or doing something for yourself. (Totally foreign concept, I know.)
Appreciate what you have. Get rid of what you don’t need. Clutter and baggage contribute to your underlying stress and anxiety, even though you don’t really consciously “see it.”
Don’t focus on what you think you need or want. You might be surprised what you can cross off your To-Do or wish list using this frame of mind.
5.Breathe and listen.
Conscious, intentional deep breathing can really help you recharge and maintain the energy and focus you need to get through the day.
It only takes ten breaths in through your nose, filling up your belly (not your chest) to reset your body’s resting, relaxed state. With 10 intentional diaphragmatic (belly) breaths, you can lower your heart rate, blood pressure, stress levels, anxiety, and pain, to name a few. Try this while trying to fall asleep, sitting at a stop light, or on the toilet, (because sometimes that’s the only free time we can get, right?).
When you have a little more time, go outside, sit or lay comfortably and close your eyes. Pay attention to the sounds and sensations surrounding you, that you normally wouldn’t even notice. Listen to the birds and leaves in the trees. Feel the air on your skin and your breath inside your nose. Let your muscles melt into the surface with each exhale…..
Hey! Wake up!!
That’s all for now. It’s time for me to find something healthy for dinner. I hope this post at least jump starts your intention to simplify your life so you can focus on your family. Thanks so much for reading! Do you have some other suggestions? I could use some fresh ideas and old reminders, myself. It’s easy to let life get ahead of us, but it’s not too hard to reel it back in! Share your thoughts below!
Love this article? Let Wendy know!
Wife & Mama with a passion for peaceful parenting, natural living, homeschooling... and my daily café au lait.