Damage Control after a Fight (Part 1)

To err is human. To forgive is divine. (Alexander Pope)

Humans are not perfect. 

As much as humans strive to live happily, sometimes we fight, we lose our patience, we have a "tone."  Sometimes we respond to innocent questions with too much sarcasm. After all, it's easy to yell at the person who made you mad if that person is only 3 feet tall. (That doesn't make it okay though). 

Usually, though, after a fight/squabble/spit spat, our emotions settle down, the angry fog in our head clears, and the surge of fight or flight hormones dissipates; it is then that we see the damage we have caused. 

Sharp words can cause little hearts to break. The beautiful relationships we work so hard to build have been dinged and cracked. But one bad squabble doesn't doom an entire relationship. 

What you do next sets the tone for the relationship. Follow these steps next time you need to damage control. 

Apologize

Often, in a family dispute, it takes two to tango. Regardless of who was the "worse" offender, don't wait for the other person to apologize. Apologize for your part. 

Follow the 1:5 Rule

Psychologists tend to agree that for every negative experience, a person needs 5 positive experiences to maintain a healthy, happy relationship.  

• Go on a walk - just the two of you. Hold hands and talk about what's on your heart.
• Play a game together
• Go to a coffee shop and do puzzles together while sipping coffee (or hot chocolate if your date is too little to drink coffee) 
• Read a book together out loud while snuggled on the couch
• Do art together: art improves neural connections and doing art together can actually improve a relationship

Forgive (and let it go)

Resist the urge to bring up the incident over and over again.  If you truly forgive someone, let it go. Learn from the past but always bringing it up won't help heal the hurt. 

What are things you have done to help heal the hurts in your family relationships? Comment below!