I’m not so far removed from reality to think that I am a perfect parent. I know that I am not, but I try my hardest to parent in a loving way that fosters a creative, safe, and warm environment. One of the most powerful tools to make or break a peaceful home is words. Oh, the power of words.

I know that the words “don’t cry” can be emotionally damaging to children.  Yet, one night, as my patience became totally depleted, I found myself uttering these words without much empathy. My preschooler was upset about something I deemed trivial. “Don’t cry” flew out of my mouth.

“Big boys cry too!” He wisely spoke through his tears. Yes, my boy. Boys do cry, and they should.  (Please note: I really do mean crying… not whining. Nobody wants a whiner in their house.)  Once again, we can turn to science to shed light on an often-feminized topic; crying, as it turns out, is more than just a manipulative tool to get our way.

What can a parent do to foster a happy environment for kids? 

Make Time for Your Child

Whether it's reading together, tossing a ball around, or mixing up some brownies in the kitchen, carving out quality time with your kiddo is essential to his or her emotional health. Giving your child some time where your focus is on only him or her can reaffirm that you'll be present when times get tough.

According to LiveScience.com, you should try to eliminate distractions during this time. If you're on your phone during your special time together, you could end up sending the message that you're prioritizing the phone instead of him or her.

Don't Worry; Be Happy!

In Christine Carter, PhD's book Raising Happiness, she explains: 

"Extensive research has established a substantial link between mothers who feel depressed and 'negative outcomes' in their children, such as acting out and other behavioral problems."

If you're feeling stressed or down, take a much-needed time out! A date with your spouse or a night out with friends can recharge your mental batteries and help you be a better parent.

Going out not your thing?

• Try a soak in the tub with your favorite scents 
• Snuggle up with an engaging read
• Simply veg out in front of the telly

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When you're feeling stressed throughout the day, try jamming out with your babe to your favorite tunes or take a stroll with your little one while chatting about what you see. You can find a helpful guide to choosing the best stroller here.

*Note: If you feel blue for prolonged periods of time, speak with your doctor about managing your symptoms.

Help Your Child Balance Work and Play

Structured and unstructured activities are both key components of your child's development. If you and your child are constantly running back and forth between dance classes, piano lessons, math tutoring, playdates, and educational field trips, you might need to leave a blank space in your planner.

Self-directed play allows your child to exercise control over his or her own life and to feel freer and happier overall. Encourage your child to have free time outdoors whenever possible; according to an article from CBC.ca, "Kids are often more interested in natural spaces than pre-fabricated play structures." However, if your child shows interest in playing a team sport or joining a club, these structured activities can increase your child's confidence.

Regularly Eat Meals With Your Child

In a study from August 2004, researchers found that "frequency of family meals was inversely associated with depressive symptoms and suicide involvement". Sharing meal time provides an opportunity to teach your child, to share feelings and experiences, and for you and your child to practice good manners and eating habits together. Not only does sitting down to eat together increase family connectedness, it can also improve your child's health with reduced rates of obesity, eating disorders, and drug abuse.

Being healthy makes it easier to be happy.

What are your tips for raising happy children?  Comment below!

Erica Johnson is the main editor for Inner Parents and is a very proud mother of two.  She is passionate about the latest parenting tips & baby products. You can follow her on Twitter or Pinterest. 



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Do you know a new mom - or an expectant mom? 

You might have gotten her something for her baby shower, but new moms have a whole set of needs once that little bundle makes his/her grand debut.  

What did you want/ need as a new mom? Comment below!

P.S.  If you're expecting and looking for some baby essentials, be sure to check out my kit for crunchy moms.  It's a one-stop-shop for new mamas... toxin free of course! 

I've started this post at least 23423 times. That's an accurate count too. 

What can I say about fatherhood that hasn't already been said? 

It's no shocker to learn that our society struggles with fatherhood and masculinity. Think of this: when a woman is with her children, she is mothering them. When a father is with his kids, he is "babysitting." How often have you heard that?  We are quick to label fathers as dead beats or softies or hands-off. So in an effort to show some of the Daddies some love for father's day, I thought I'd share some fun facts about fatherhood. 

Fun facts about fatherhood

• For obvious reasons, there is a huge focus on the mother-child bond and how that bond affects a child. But Dad's can have that same hormonal-emotional connection.  Mothers and babies bond through oxytocin released during breastfeeding, but a 2010 study proved that Dads can get this same boost of oxytocin (the love hormone) from PLAYING with their babies. Pretty cool! 
• A study from  Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences revealed that fatherhood leads to a decrease in testosterone in males... testosterone is the "macho" hormone.  As a result, fathers tend to be less aggressive and angry than their non-father counterparts. 
• The Journal of Early Adolescence published a study that showed that teens demonstrate more of the perseverance level of their fathers rather than their mothers.

I've written many, many times about the book The Five Love Languages... and this is another prime example of when to use it. Because let's face it.. not all dads like power tools and neck ties. And someone so important deserves a gift that shows a little love and attention. 

If Dad's love language is acts of services, then doing (rather than giving) will fill up his love tank. 

• Mow the lawn FOR him this weekend. 
• Ask Dad "what can I do FOR you this weekend?" 
• Do his share of the family chores 

If Dad's love language is words of affirmation, 

• Tell him you love him... do you say those words enough? 
• Create a handwritten card 
• Love letter to your spouse sharing what you love about his fathering 

If Dad's love language is receiving gifts, 

• Think about what he REALLY likes... It's okay if really does like power tools, but don't just buy a power tool because the home improvement stores tells you that's what dads like 
• For naturally-minded dads, make your own beard oil for him.  Short on time? Check out one of these top-rated beard oils instead! 
• For the foodie dad, gift a subscription to a meal service. Purple Carrot is a plant-based meal subscription service, but just because it's plant-based doesn't mean that athletic or active dads suffer.  Their TB12 plan offers performance-boosting, protein-backed meals.  Use PROMO CODE "purple20" to save 20% your first order. 
• For a Dad always on the road, consider giving him a diffuser bracelet.  Add lavender oil to help Dad keep his cool while battling rush hour traffic. WANDRESScreations offers custom diffuser bracelets.  Let Dad feel like the Eye of Tiger with this bracelet. It's totally okay if you're singing Eye of the Tiger now. 
• If you get Dad a diffuser, stock up on some manly scents: Balance or vetiver are good choices. 

If Dad's love language is quality time, 

• Plan an outing doing one of his favorite activities: golfing, hiking, biking, rock climbing, baking, cooking... whatever is Dad's passion find a way to make a whole day of it 
• You don't need to spend thousands of dollars on a weekend getaway (but you know... you totally can if you want to!) Plan a day trip around your town doing the "touristy" things in your own town.
• Play a board game 
• Play ball in the yard 
• Play your own game of Chopped in the kitchen 

If physical touch is Dad's love language, 

• Hold his hand while on a walk 
• Massage his feet 
• GIVE HIM A HUG! 

What are you doing for your dad this father's day? Comment below! 

It's tempting to try to rush through meal prep in order to get food on the table. I get it. I know dinner (or lunch or breakfast) can be stressful. (Read this post for reducing meal time stress.)  We all know that eating together is important but actually cooking together can be an opportunity for bonding too!  If you can slow down (just a little bit) and invite your kids into the kitchen, you not only get a chance to chat, but you have a valuable teaching opportunity to impart your culinary and nutrition wisdom on your kids.

The key is to start simple.  Use a simple recipe and hand over the reigns.  The recipe above is easy and even my littles can do almost the entire recipe without help. 

Tips for using cooking as a bonding tool

• Instruct without micromanaging: They won't be perfect banana mashers the first time, and that's okay. You want to teach them without squashing their spirit.
  
• Accept that perfection won't happen over night: Cooking is a skill. Let them learn as they go. One day they'll be able to crack a perfect egg, but it might be a little messy until then.
  
• Ask questions: Engage their minds. "Why do you think we add cinnamon?" "What is your favorite part about cooking?" Ask non-cooking questions too - about their day at school, etc.
  
• Teach good nutrition: Especially for younger children, explain how the food you are preparing heals and fuels their body.
  

How do you use food and cooking as a bonding tool?  What are your favorite recipes to cook with your kids? Comment below!

Parenting in the modern world is unnecessarily cluttered with distractions and multitasking. Unfortunately–despite all the current advances and technology of our time–no one has yet to invent the SuperMom pill. (Don’t worry, I’m working on it.) So, in the meantime, you have to prioritize with intention, or the important things (people) will become neglected and…well…less important. Please, read on if you interested in some ideas on how to simplify your life and focus on family.
Now, don’t get me wrong…it’s definitely a work in progress, not a level of achievement. (Once again, there will be no trophy or medal ceremony for this act of parental amazingness. Sorry.) Almost every day, I  set my intentions and work very hard to keep my life as simple as possible, filling it with only what is loved or needed. But it’s still hard, sometimes, and I have to struggle to keep my focus and priorities on what is most important–my family.

“So what do you suggest we do, EB?”
Here are some ideas I’ve implemented to be the most intentional–and the least distracted– mom I can be, so I can focus on family. I don’t feel like I’ll ever arrive at complete success in this category…because I am imperfectly human, after all. I give you, dear readers, permission to set the bar really low as you start off on your personal quest.  (You’re welcome.)

How to Simplify Your Life so you can Focus on Family: 5 Great Tips

1. Make a list of your top priorities.
You may want to review or edit your list often, every day if necessary. My priority list is titled “Focus on Family”. Then I have daily To-Do lists in order of priority. My lists are in the “notes” section of my iPhone, which syncs with my apple computer. I usually have one other the other within my reach at all times. Other people do it differently, but you must write it down and keep your lists with you wherever you go.

Do you have a hard time saying “no” or put others before you and your family? (This is you if you have a nurturer, giver, people pleaser or empathic personality.) You may want to start with a less specific to-do list or wish list that you keep on your phone or planner, then make the priority list every day to keep your daily routine focused and simplified.
I try to work on a daily list at bedtime, so I can go to sleep knowing my intentions are set for the next day. Sometimes I do it on a lazy, weekend morning when I’m not in a time crunch and I can plan ahead.
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I don’t know about you all, but I am much more productive when I’m busy. And I lost at least half of my memory and thinking skills when my daughter was born. (It’s a terminal illness every parent has to live with, I know.) So, the fleeting thought of “Well…hmmm…I don’t really have to do anything… right now…” actually sets off a ping of anxiety in my stomach. I must be forgetting something really important! (Hence, the lists.)

2. Spend money wisely.
Stick to your budget! Prioritize–and be very intentional about–your purchases. Ask yourself, “Is this something we really need? Do we already have something that serves the same purpose? Will this make my life more simple? Will this help me focus on my family?”

I almost always regret impulse buys and material purchases that aren’t fulfilling . Do I really need another cute skirt in my closet with the tags on it? I definitely don’t need a new sparkly iPhone case that won’t really protect my phone when I already bought a $90 Lifeproof case that is working quite well.  

I’m terrible about returning things, so they sit around the house, reminding me of my bad decisions. And if I just keep on driving past that yummy taco shop (eyes forward!), we can save family time, money and calories eating at home, together.  

I could write a lot more about spending money with intention, but I want you, dear readers, to implement this concept in ways that resonate with you. If you are focused on family and keeping your life simple, you may find that it’s not that hard to pass up on a lot of unfulfilling and unnecessary purchases.

3. Be more efficient. 
A.K.A– “Don’t waste your precious time”.  Busy parents barely have time every day for the necessary tasks, why crazify (yep, my new word–do you like it?) your day even more with inefficiencies?  Leaving the house to run only one errand? Stopping at a fast-food joint when you are on your way home from the grocery store? Playing CandyCrush for 45 minutes straight at your daughter’s therapy appointment? Scandalous! 

Do we really need to see everything that everyone is doing every day on Facebook? Just because you want to stay in touch with 300 of your best friends from childhood or college, doesn’t mean they all have to be on your news feed. You can just click over to their page when you are thinking about them, right? That’s easy enough. I’m guessing about 95-99% of the posts on my news feed are not more important or more meaningful that the parts of my life I’m neglecting when I’m mindlessly scrolling through.

Now don’t get me wrong. We all need some brainless distractions to maintain a barely functional level of sanity.   But our “mental breaks” on social distractions are actually complicating our lives and minds with unnecessary clutter, making it harder to focus on what’s really important.
Have you ever tried to decrease your data plan for a month or “unplug” your social media sources for a day? You’d be surprised how much more time you have. If that’s sounds totally impossible to you, would you try setting a timer to limit your time on Facebook or Pinterest?

Your kids may even notice how much more attention they are getting from you. (Attention=less whining, right?) You significant other might even notice how much more relaxed you are by the end of the day. Make sure you have your list of priorities handy to keep you from feeling bored (Ha!) or anxious.

4. Purge the unnecessaries.
This applies to not only material items, but activities, habits, and people who don’t mesh with your intention to simplify your life and focus on family. Learn to say “no” if something is asked of you that doesn’t fit this purpose.  You may find that you have more time and energy to say “yes” to more things that bring you happiness, like quality time with your family, or doing something for yourself. (Totally foreign concept, I know.)
Appreciate what you have. Get rid of what you don’t need.  Clutter and baggage contribute to your underlying stress and anxiety, even though you don’t really consciously “see it.”

Don’t focus on what you think you need or want. You might be surprised what you can cross off your To-Do or wish list using this frame of mind.

5.Breathe and listen.
Conscious, intentional deep breathing  can really  help you recharge and maintain the energy and focus you need to get through the day.
It only takes ten breaths in through your nose, filling up your belly (not your chest) to reset your body’s resting, relaxed state. With 10 intentional diaphragmatic (belly) breaths, you can lower your heart rate, blood pressure, stress levels, anxiety, and pain, to name a few. Try this while trying to fall asleep, sitting at a stop light, or on the toilet, (because sometimes that’s the only free time we can get, right?). 

When you have a little more time, go outside, sit or lay comfortably and close your eyes.  Pay attention to the sounds and sensations surrounding you, that you normally wouldn’t even notice. Listen to the birds and leaves in the trees.  Feel the air on your skin and your breath inside your nose. Let your muscles melt into the surface with each exhale…..

Hey! Wake up!! 
That’s all for now.  It’s time for me to find something healthy for dinner. I hope this post at least jump starts your intention to simplify your life so you can focus on your family.  Thanks so much for reading! Do you have some other suggestions? I could use some fresh ideas and old reminders, myself.  It’s easy to let life get ahead of us, but it’s not too hard to reel it back in! Share your thoughts below!

Create and maintain family traditions
Family traditions are more than just routines. Family traditions are the special memories that make families different and special in their own way. Having family traditions also helps children feel included and part of the family.

Get involved with a charity 
For many people, charity is a direct reflection of their own inner values. Where we choose to donate (time, talent, or money) says a lot about ourselves. Teach your children the value of giving and you will experience the truth behind the quote "Happiness is found in serving others."

Get outside
The great outdoors offers so much to us, so it's no surprise that heading outdoors can help strengthen can help create stronger family bonds. Benefits include: natural mood boost, vitamin D dose, and reduction of ADHD symptoms. 

To learn more about how nature can boost your mood, read this blog post.

Quality and Quantity Time
We've all heard about the importance of quality time. That is, time spent one-on-one without multitasking, checking Facebook, or with our face buried in a phone. But the REALLY happy families? They don't believe in quality over quantity. It takes quality AND quantity time to forge those rock solid bonds. 

For more on quality vs quantity, tune in to this podcast episode.

Make family meals a priority 
Studies continually show the importance of family meals on children's self-esteem levels, emotional intelligence, and attachment to the family.

Do you have a picky eater? Don't worry, family meals can still be peaceful. Try these tips.

What things make your family happier? Comment below!

"Mama, can you hand me my water please!"

My oldest was buried in blankets and his water cup was close to the couch, but far enough away that it required a de-blanketing. 

I was super comfy and cozy, all snuggled in a blanket across the room from him.  I looked over at my husband, and he was just as cozy in the recliner.   Yet, he stood up and handed the cup to my oldest. As my husband walked back to his spot on the recliner, he asked "How much is too much?" I knew what he meant. How much do you attend to your kids before you are "spoiling" them? 

Sure, we could have handled that simple request in a myriad of different ways. 

• "It's so close. You can reach it." 
• "No."
• "You are capable."
• "If I get your water, you'll just be spoiled."
• "What do I look like? A servant?"

​But we didn't. 

Disclaimer: I hate the word "spoiled." Kids can't be spoiled. They can, however, be lacking in manners due to missed teaching opportunities. Kids don't automatically know not to take things for granted. Kids must be taught to say the words THANK YOU so we must also teach them to have an appreciate, generous heart. 

Back to the story, the more I pondered on my husband's question, I realized that this is where I differ with mainstream society. Much of society forces the idea of a totally independent child. But here's the thing: we are not meant to be completely independent of another human. We are social beings who rely on each other. Even now in my adulthood, I rely on my husband for so much - and vice verse. 

I do not want my children to become aloof adults incapable of doing anything for themselves. No. However, I do want them to know how to LOVE others by SERVING them. 

In the 5 Love Languages, Gary Chapman reveals that one love language is indeed acts of service. You show love by serving others. Think about it. Just this weekend my husband showed his love by finishing a time-consuming project on his honey-do list. 

Serving children teaches them how to serve others. Serving others leads to loving others.  Loving others leads to a more fulfilled life. More fulfilled lives leads to happiness. Service leads to happiness. 

As my husband and I chatted about how serving is in fact a teaching tool, we decided to make some tea. If I hadn't already been convinced about my dedication to serving my children, my tea bag made the point for me. 

​How do you teach your children to serve others? How do you serve your children?  Comment below!

I told my crying, overtired baby that I wasn't a great mom today but tomorrow I'll be better.
 
It was a "shot day" for my 15 month old son, so off to the doctor we went. Afterwards we dropped him off at his grandparents like we do every Tuesday. When I picked him up that afternoon I was thinking that I really needed to give him some one-on-one attention ... then I got an email for a last minute webinar so I watched it while he played. I put him in his high chair, fed him dinner and took a call from a friend I wanted to catch up with. Before I knew it he was having to visibly show me it was time for him to go to bed. Most days I'm patient and attentive but on this day I told my crying, overtired baby that I wasn't a great mom today but I'd be better tomorrow. And you know what, I'm still a great mom. I'm still enough.
 
I don't doubt myself. Do I think I do everything perfectly? No, not even close. But that's not what I think makes a great mom, or a great anything for that matter.
 
I don't know the true definition of perfection but I do know what it is not. Perfectionism is NOT the same thing as striving to do your best and it is NOT self-improvement. Perfectionism is really just the quickest path to anxiety, depression and life paralysis. I struggle a bit (or a lot) with bouts of depression in the winter. And typically by February I'm really having to work hard to keep myself peaceful and healthy, so this winter I've found my cure... I'm still running and walking outside even though I don't like the cold. And here is the best part, it was doctor prescribed!
 
To equip the stroller for these winter excursions I've got all the goods: a wool seat cover to keep him nice and toasty, all the winter clothing he can fit, and even a weather shield to encompass the entire stroller. Someone actually scolded me for taking my child out in the cold for my own selfish reasons. For the record, not one part of his body was bothered by the cold. In fact, when I took him out of the stroller his back was sweaty. This exchange did not for one second make me question my parenting. It did, however, make me question our society. 
 
We live in a society that has a really, really long list of unwritten rules. Bylaws that we live by because we are "supposed" to. The way you are supposed to live, work, look, be and the things you are supposed to have. What are the consequences of breaking those rules... nothing.
 
We are paralyzed by the fear that everyone else may not approve.  We're missing the mark. In my opinion (and I think it's a good one) the only thing you are supposed to do is to live a wholehearted life. Whatever you do: do it wholeheartedly. Whatever you want to be: be it wholeheartedly. In the spirit of this holiday season I urge you to take a vow with me. Vow to give up the ever illusive perfect life and start living wholeheartedly. I promise you that I will always support you in that. There will be days that you did it all really, really well and then there will be days that you put your crying, overtired baby to bed and tell him you weren't a great parent today but tomorrow you'll do better. And you'll still be great.
 
You'll still be enough. 
 
Sweat & Smiles,
Melissa

It's okay to make mistakes. We all make mistakes. (Even the sanctimommies.) 

In life (and ESPECIALLY in parenting), it's easy to be hard on ourselves for mistakes... to obsess over them.  After all, those little people that we are responsible for? Our mistakes affect them. Our mistakes can hurt them. 

But don't forget that you are human too. 

You are ever learning and ever growing. 

The next time you make a mistake, don't dwell on it.

• Admit your mistake to your family...this may be hard conversation to have, but this teaches children a profound lesson about pride and the power of a (sincere) apology. 
• Think about what went wrong. Did you yell because you were hangry? Did you neglect your own lunch in a rush to get housework done? Or were were snappy because you were rushing trying to get all of the errands done before dinner? Think about what you can do different or better next time. 
• Ask forgiveness. It really does help heal the heart and rekindle an emotional connection. 

Look for an accountability partner: a spouse, an mom friend on the internet, a sibling or other relative. Sometimes just talking about mistakes and shortcomings helps make overcoming them easier. 

What do you do when you make a mistake? How do you keep your mistakes from dampening the joy in your life?