Letter 16: Someone not in your state

Dear __________________,

There's so much to say to you yet I can't really tell you because you'd never listen long enough to hear what I'm really saying.  You'd only hear judgment. And you'd be partially right. There would be judgment. I'm just being honest.

But you would fail to hear the part where I admit that I think I'm just like you. And it terrifies me to write that sentence for so many reasons. What is it they say? The faults we see in others are faults we often have ourselves. Scary. But let me tell you... it took a long time for me to come to terms with the truth in those words. It wasn't until I removed myself from the picture could I appreciate everything in a new light. We're not so different after all. In a way, I think I understand you more than most people. I get it. I really get it.

I'm sorry for not embracing you the way you hoped. Our paths crossed with unfortunate timing... or was it unfortunate? I supposed it happened the way that it was meant to happen, but I took out much hurt and frustration and fear on you. That wasn't right. It was easy but not right, and I'm sorry for that. I could've done a lot of things better. But mistakes are there for us to learn from them, and I did learn lessons: lessons that I will carry with me for the rest of my life.

I know that I wouldn't be here without you. I needed you and you were there for me. You were always there for me. That is a true demonstration of how to love - love when love is not returned. Love until it hurts.

 Thank you. I hope you find the peace and love you so desperately need.