Why Peaceful Parenting?

The way we talk to our children becomes their inner voice.
​-Peggy O'Mara

What is peaceful parenting?
Peaceful parenting consists of philosophies and theories in which parents use love and the parental-child bond to guide children on the right path in life. Studies continually report that children are more receptive to parental guidance when parents instruct (rather than punish) and empathize with them. These children are capable of internalizing self discipline and as a result are happy children.

Why peaceful parenting?
Peaceful parenting works. We've all heard the saying "If Mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy" and there is a truth to that. I know firsthand that when I wake up on the wrong side of the bed, I bring a gloomy cloud that looms over us all. When I overreact to small messes, I know I cause my children to spiral into emotional messes. They are little and rely on me to teach them proper emotional responses. How can I teach them if I myself cannot control emotions? I also know that when I am cheerful and chipper (or at least force a smile when I'm over it all) that I can spread that joy to my kids. I have the power to be their calm. When they see me react with patience in a calm manner, they are able to hold onto peace. ​

If I am the barometer and set the mood of the day, then following peaceful parenting practices helps me create a peaceful home enviornment. A peaceful home allows children to thrive and be happy. Peaceful parenting does not at all mean permissive parenting. Permissisve parenting results in unhappy children who constantly tests the already-lax limits of their parents. Children are hardwired to enjoy limits; it helps them feel secure.

On the other hand, strict parenting frequently results in children who are angry because they cannot ever please their parents. These children grow to resent all parental guidance and as a result, they do not (and cannot) internalize self discipline.

What does it mean to be a peaceful parent?

At the heart of peaceful parenting is the desire to teach our children and bond with them, guided by love.

• Peaceful parents first and foremost regulate their own emotions. Think: you have to put your oxygen mask on first before you help others; you cannot pour from an empty cup. Get your emotions in check and be the calm for your children.
• Set all limits with empathy
• Think before we speak; reflect before you react. Sometimes speaking with your child before reacting can expose the reason for your child's behavior. This has averted many crises in my house.
• Connect before correcting. This is crucial to keep a strong bond with your child.
• Understand that children have big emotions, and they often need help processing them. This is normal.
• Learn about your child's love language. Keep his/her love cup filled.

It's not easy to wake up one day and decide to do away with harsh punishments and timeouts. Peaceful parenting requires work, a daily reaffirmation of your committment. There will be times when you are tested. You will want to yell at your kids and stick them in a time out. But stick with peaceful parenting and you will see that not only will your children become happier, but you will as well.