Damage Control (Part 2)

This is second part of the Damage Control Series. For part one, go here.

Prevention is key

Yesterday's blog post addresses how to repair a relationship after a fight has occurred, which is very useful information, but there's more to damage control that just clean up. This post, Damage Control Part 2, address how to prevent the little things that can lead to simmering and boiling emotions...especially in children. In this sense, this post could be called Preventing Damage.

Avoid labels

When children (or even adults) demonstrate unwanted behaviors, it's easy to reduce the entire person to just a label.

• If Johnny is being overly aggressive: Oh that's just Johnny being Johnny. He's a brute.
• If Celia is easily offended and cries often: Oh that's just Celia. She's a cry baby.
• If a teenager is difficult: Oh, Sarah is just Sarah. I can't stand her.
  

But what if Johnny isn't a brute? What if Celia isn't a cry baby? What is Sarah isn't actually difficult? What if there is a problem? Issuing a label won't fix an underlying problem. Rather, using labels adds to the problem, causing the child to feel like their feelings don't count or are invalid.  Using labels is like prodding a sleeping bear.

Don't dismiss feelings

Whether you toddler is crying about a blue cup (instead of the red cup) or a broken toe, his feelings on each subject are equally real. Even if you think it is silly to cry over a red cup, don't dismiss your child's feelings... because feelings are real whether you agree with them or not.

Resolve underlying issues

How often do you find yourself in a fight about something totally random?  It's not that uncommon.

As little things build up (dishes undone, dirty laundry on the floor, a missed meeting), we start to simmer. But then there is also one tipping point and we explode. The final straw. And suddenly we are in a fight because our significant other asked us where we want to eat lunch.  The fight wasn't really about lunch but rather all of the unspoken issues that added up.

But avoiding that can be easy if you resolve each issue as you come across it, and this method works well for any relationship.

Sometimes, the answer is simple. Maybe your child is hungry or sleepy - two of the most powerful influencers of mood.  Other times, maybe there is a problem with a friend at school. A lot of conflict at home can be avoided (or easily resolved) by digging deep to find the root of the problem. Often, the actual conflicts are just surface level, masking another problem. (Think: hangry toddler upset that the sun is setting. The problem is not the sun, it is the hunger.)

What are some ways you prevent fights or struggles in your home? Comment below!