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Love is not an emotion. (Joy is an emotion and many people do experience joy as a result of love.)
Love is an action - a decision to "will the good of another." Because love is an action, that also means that love (and consequently any and all relationships) require work. But... family life is busy. Between the constant needs of children, the demands of work, the unending household chores... how can you maintain the relationships you cherish? Of course, you show love to you family when do you things like feed them nourishing food or clean their clothes, but sometimes you need a little bit more than that to really keep those connections strong. Here are four tips to strengthen any relationship - spouse, child, or even a friend. Always tell the truth This one might seem obvious, but there's no quicker relationship damper than a lie. It's not always easy nor pleasant but having an open line of communication with your spouse is a guaranteed way to strengthen the relationship. Working through difficult situations can actually become a source of renewal in a relationship but only if the journey is not dotted with lies. For children, reassuring them of your love can help keep lying at bay. Telling lies can become a self-preservation mechanism if s/he thinks love will be withdrawn. A few weeks ago, I noticed my son had an accident but hid the evidence. I found the evidence and questioned him. He looked into my eyes and denied it - despite the fact that it was obvious. I told him I knew the truth and he looked flustered. "I didn't want to get in trouble," he explained. Of course, who would want to get in trouble? No one. I reminded him that no matter what, I always love him. Even if he does something wrong, I do not love him less. He immediately relaxed and confessed. The next day, he spilled some milk and came running to me. "Mama, I made a mess. I'm telling you the truth." At least for now, he no longer feels the need to lie about messes because he knows my love is unconditional. Wait for the right moment to give correction I recently read an article about a father who defines his parenting style as "Mary Poppins" - for every medicine (correction or discipline) he gives, he first makes sure to lay on the sugar (love). I found this to be such a brilliant way to look at parenting and how true it is! How often have you been corrected and, instead of allowing the advice to better yourself, felt only bitterness at having been corrected? Have you ever done 10 things right and received criticism on the one thing you did wrong? It doesn't feel good, does it? In any relationship, there will be a time where one person offers constructive (hopefully, it's constructive) criticism. The key to offering the advice without damaging the relationship or crushing the spirit is to be careful attention to when you offer the criticism. Whether it's a spouse or child, how you to choose to give criticism or correction can really affect your relationship. No one wants to be corrected in front of a whole group of people; if you can, pull aside your partner or child and speak privately. Don't add embarrassment to the issue at hand. Set them up to win Setting up your spouse/friend/child to win is a great way to strengthen your relationship. Why does this work? When you support someone, they feel encouraged, motivated, and loved by you which in turn creates a stronger bond between the two of you. This doesn't have to be anything extravagant; support can be something as simple as making their day easier.
Learn their love language (and yours too while you're at it) One of my favorite family-oriented books is the Love Language series by Gary Chapman. The premise of these books is that every experiences love in difference "languages." Learning the love language of your son, daughter, or spouse can dramatically affect your relationship. My older son's love language is quality time, and I see instantly how he is transformed by some good ol' one-on-one time. It doesn't matter if I buy him a boatload of new toys or spend 5 hours in the kitchen making him his favorite food or praising him for an hour, nothing says "I love you" (to him) like getting on the floor and playing trains or puzzles or building with Lincoln Logs. What are ways that you implement these four tips? Comment below! Family dinners linked to improved diet and improved emotional health
Study after study reveals what our grandparents knew: the importance of family dinners. In fact, many studies reference family dinner attendance as a key factor in how happy a family is. A study from the University of Florida illustrated just exactly how a family dinner affects a family:
But... it's not always so easy
The research clearly shows just how beneficial family dinners are, but it's not always easy to gather around the table. Between hectic schedules, extracurricular activities, and the end-of-the-day meltdowns, dinner is often one of the loudest, craziest, exhausting, and emotionally draining times of the day. It seems that as soon as I declare that I am headed to the kitchen to make dinner, someone poops his diaper, someone else begins to whine that he's hungry, there's a small human clinging to my leg and begging to be held, and I just remembered that I didn't thaw the chicken yet. It's seems counterproductive to go through all the hassle only to end up grumpy and sweaty at the dinner table.
Tips for making it to the family dinner table (more often and with less stress)
Use these tips and you'll be sure to make it to the family table more often and with less stress.
1. Plan ahead If you know that you'll be getting home late, try a crock pot recipe. Set it up in the morning and you'll have dinner ready the minute you get home. 2. Use meal planning Not only does meal planning make your grocery shopping more efficient, but you'll save money too because if you have a plan, you're less likely to just throw stuff in the cart. When you know what you're making, dinner is less stressful. No more last minute wondering what to throw together. 3. Give small tasks to your littlest children Little ones can fetch milk from the fridge or beans from the pantry, stir a batter, open a new package of butter, or even set the table. All of these are easy for small children and helps them feel involved. 4. Give age-appropriate tasks to older children Once you've taught your child to properly use a knife, let them chop veggies. Not only will this help you get dinner on the table faster, but it gives you ample time to chat with your son or daughter about his/her day. 5. Choose recipes carefully A common dinner battle centers on the dish itself. If you know your children truly do not like Thai food, skip it. If you're not short on time, whip up an alternative for kids who don't like the spiciness. For instance, keep the sauce of a stir-fry and let each family member have the choice to ladle on the sauce or forgo it. 6. Clean up time Assign everyone one task for cleanup and the after-dinner cleaning will go by much quicker. You're more likely to eat together if the clean-up isn't a time-consuming task for one parent every night. 7. Prepare for picky eaters Fighting a picky eater is just a recipe for disaster. According to a study in the scientific journal Appetite, researchers continue to point out that picky eating is normal. In fact, up to 39% of kids are labled as "picky eaters" at some point in their childhood, although most pickiness starts to decline by age 6. So what to do until then? Try never to yell or fight about food; check out these tips for handing picky eating with respect. 8. Try a meal delivery program I get it -- meal planning, grocery shopping, and prepping can take a lot of time, and if you're short on time, dinner can start to feel stressful rather than peaceful. Meal subscription services can be a great way to take the stress out of dinner prep. Blue Apron is a meal subscription service that sends pre-portioned food ingredients and recipes so that you can have fresh and healthy home-cooked meals. Meal prep is now simplified and grocery shopping is done for you. Why Blue Apron? They only supplies the best ingredients, which is evidenced through their work with family-owned farms and artisanal purveyors. Your Blue Apron ingredients are:
Are you eating dinner as a family?
What is one way you make family dinners a priority? How do you get to the table without feeling stressed? Comment below!
**This post contains affiliate links. I will receive a small commission if you decide to subscribe to Blue Apron. However, this is my completely honest review and you’re by no means obligated to use my links. If you do thanks so much for supporting my site.
If you read my previous post, then you already know that regular family dinners contribute to a family's overall happiness, physical health, and emotional health. But if you have small children, you probably are thinking "How can dinnertime be happy with a picky eater in the picture?" Picky eating is normal!Childhood picky eating is very normal! A study entitled "Food Rejections in Children: Cognitive and Social/Environmalen Factors Involved in Food Neophobia and Picky/Fussy Eating Behavior" illustrated justh ow common it is: nearly 39% of children aged 2-6 are picky or fussy eaters. The behavior usually starts around toddlerhood and begins to taper off by age 6. Even though this is a silver lining, 4+ years of picky eating can be draining. 7 Tips for handling picky eatingSince food is obviously necessary for ... um... living, it makes sense that a food battle would ensure. As a parent, it is your responsibility to make sure your child is well-nourished, but picky-eating definitely puts a wrench in that plan. Follow this tips for handling fussy eating with peace and respect:
Avoid yelling or forcing a child to finish his plate Because much of fussy eating stems from panic and fear (picky eating is sometimes referred to as "Food Neophobia" in the science world), yelling or forcing a child to sit until the plate is clean only increases feelings of panic and fear. The more panic a child feels, the more negative feelings s/he will associate with dinnertime. Include the nutrients where you can My son definitely falls under the picky-eater category. My main goal is make sure he gets the proper nutrients. He loves fruits, vegetables, and grains. He does not like any form of meat so protein is where I struggle. I rely a lot of eggs and peanut butter. I make shakes for him occasionally to make sure he has enough protein. The simplest recipe I use is this:
Stick to what works My son definitely can get into a rut with food, but as long as he is getting enough nutrients, I don't mind at all. Sticking to what I know he loves makes meals less of a battle. I know one day he'll be more adventurous, but for now, I'm just focusing on what he does enjoy. Rewards Rewards can be a very slippery slope. If you reward a child for doing X behavior, it can (but not always) escalate to the point where s/he won't do anything without a reward. However, for short-term use, rewards can be very effective. If you are thinking of using rewards for eating, be sure to never use food as a reward. Consider a sticker chart for just trying. Repeated Exposure Even though it gets tiring, always ask your child if they want to try a bite of X food. You will probably get a lot of "No thank you's" (I know I do!) but the key is to continue to expose your child to the new food. Eventually s/he will try it. Child experience food through social learning, which means that the more they see it, the more familiar it becomes, and the more likely it will be accepted. I love to add berries or bananas to my cereal and oatmeal but for years that has been a big fat No for my son. Instead of putting berries in his cereal, I slice them on a ramekin and let him eat them separate. One morning, much to my surprise, he dumped his berries in the cereal and happily ate it all. That may seem like small potatoes but for this Mama, that was a huge WIN! I was so proud of him; he did it all on his own without a battle. Now he loves his berries in his cereal, and he came to that conclusion all on his own. Presentation Presentation for new foods is key for my son. The way I present it both verbally and physically plays a big part in whether or not he'll try it. I bought him fun plates and silverware that look like construction vehicles to help make meals more fun. The way I describe food also helps. We call broccoli "baby trees". He loves broccoli but the very first time I introduced it, he was wary. A simple name change was all he needed to give it a try. No pressure The key to keeping the peace at the table is to remain pressure-free. Ask your child to try a food, but don't hound him. Remember that research shows that a child may need 10-15 tries of a food before he actually eats a serving. Dealing with a picky eater can be tiring and exhausting and can be a major source of dinnertime drama. Following these tips can definitely help bring more peace to your table. What have you done to help a picky eater in your family? Comment below! Meditation is one of the oldest ways to center yourself, regulate your emotions, and de-stress. However, it's hard to squeeze in a yoga and/or meditation session in between diaper changes, work commitments, errands, driving here and there, cooking dinner, washing laundry, rewashing laundry, folding laundry, sweeping, and... the list goes on. What's a mama (or papa) to do? Meditation doesn't have to take place in a studio led by a yogi master. Meditation is a lot simpler. At its simplest, meditation refers to peace that comes from calming the mind. Here are three ways to meditate even when you are short on time. Use meditation to de-stress, calm the mind, and experience peaceFix your gaze
If you went to a traditional meditation class, you would learn about Drishti, which is a term for focusing your eyes on one spot. Sometimes, as we feel the stresses of life intensify, our roving eyes can add to the sensory overload. Want to try it? Pick an object (a spot on the wall, a picture frame, the corner of a rug) and fix your gaze on the object for at least 30 seconds. This dramatically reduces the "overload" sensations in your brain, allowing the motion to give way to stillness. Deep breathing As any laboring mother can tell you, deep breathing is a helpful meditation tool - not because it relieves pain, but because it helps calm the body. Shallow breathing can contribute to panic, while deeper breathing activates the parasympathetic nervous system. The parasympathetic nervous system controls the actions of a body at rest. Deep breathing is easy to do no matter how busy you are. You have to breath anyway, so make it count. :) Share the moment While we're on the topic of brain activity, when you make yourself vulnerable and share with another human, oxytocin is released. Oxytocin is nicknamed the "feel-good hormone." When you share your stresses and feelings with another, you make yourself vulnerable and can experience a boost in mood thanks to oxytocin. Try deep breathing with a friend, spouse, or even your child. It's never too early to teach the healing powers of meditation to your little ones. What is your favorite way to meditate? Comment below! As the clock strikes midnight and the new year is ushered in, the focus shifts from the memories of the past year to the resolutions of the new year. While the energetic motivation behind some resolutions fizzles out before Valentine's Day, some resolutions really are worth pursuing. Do you want more happiness in your life? Here are 14 resolutions that, if you follow, can bring much happiness to your family during this year. 14 resolutions that will make you happiertBe yourself
There's a reason why being yourself feels so good. It's liberating, it's effortless, and it's empowering. Hiding who you are is a lot of work and is very limiting. Embrace who you are and shine. Be intentional with your inner circle Jim Rohn puts it the best: "You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with." Surround yourself with positive, encouraging, loving, and supportive people. This is especially true for kids and their friends; children are so impressionable. Choose your friends wisely. Stand up for family and friends Honesty is more than just telling the truth. Honesty also means speaking up when a lie is spoken. If a coworker makes fun of another coworker, say something. Teach your children to do the same in the school cafeteria. Living a life untethered from gossip will make you much happier. Volunteer Research tells us that volunteering has a direct impact on our happiness levels. A study from the London School of Economics demonstrated that the more people volunteer, the happier they are. Rest Sleep is essential for the human body to function properly. While many people get away with a slightly less-than-optimal amount of sleep, it is important to note that proper sleep affects your happiness level. Why? Matthew Berkeley, a scientist from UC Berkeley, reported that poor sleep quantity and quality causes the emotional systems in the brain to "run amok." Doesn't sound like an optimal environment for happy thoughts! Eat well As more awareness is being spread about the dangers of processed foods, more and more studies are revealing how food can contribute to happiness. Dr. Joe Hibbeln conducted a study and found a link between fat in the diet and emotional health. When diets are based on processed foods, the brain is denied healthy fats like Omega 3 Fatty Acids, which are essential for brain health. Eating a diet rich in organic produce, lean meats, whole grains, and health fats ensures that the body can work to the best of its ability, and that includes the brain health too! Cultivate your unique gifts This is similar to the first resolution (be yourself), but this resolution requires you to act on it. Why will this make you happier? By fostering hobbies, you will feel satisfied (and thus happier) by witnessing you grow in your own gifts. Use respectful language While this seems like just plain old manners, it's easy to lose track of respectful language. A driver cuts you off and you yell at him. Sound familiar? We then get angry at this driver and spend the next 10 minutes fuming. 10 minute of our life fuming at a total stranger. Use respectful language in all you do. Don't waste your precious moments on degrading or disrespectful language - even if the offender cannot hear you. Choose your battles wisely When I was younger, my dad would say "I'm not gonna die on that battlefield." I didn't get it at first, but he meant that he knew when to pick his battles. In doing so, we saved himself the stress (annoyance, energy) by not arguing with me. Whether you are 10 or 90, this is good advice. If you battle all the time, you will have no energy left to be happy. Never stop learning Read! Attend seminars. Watch a documentary. Keep your brain challenged. Participate in hard work Why does hard work make you happier? BBC published an article on the effects of hard work on happiness. Swedish researchers from Gothenburg University demonstrated that hard work is good for emotional health because it is the actual process of working towards a goal that makes people more satisified than the actual reaching of the goal. Emotional highs (without working) dissipated much quicker than emotional highs that followed a period of hard work. Control your emotions With emotions running unchecked, it can be hard to experience the joy in your life. Emotions are part of life; we all experience an incredible range of emotions, but that doesn't mean that we are defined by those emotions nor does it mean that those emotions control us. The first step to controlling your emotions is acknowledging them. Once you are aware of your emotions, it is much easier to work through them. Practice positivity What better way to be happier than to practice positivity! Every day, make it a point to practice positivity. This could be something as simple as thinking about the highlights of your day as you snuggle into bed. Or, it could be something like keeping a daily journal of all of your positive moments. Love The best way to be happier is love. Spread love everywhere you go. This doesn't mean just rainbows and butterflies. Love isn't a feeling; it is a decision; it is to willingly act for the good of another. Love is holding a door open. Love is giving the last piece of cake to your husband. Love is reading the extra bedtime story when you just want to go to bed. Love is making your spouse's morning routine easier by making his/her lunch. Love is going the extra mile to make sure your child is comforted. There are infinite ways to show love. Love. Love alone is the key to happiness. Let everything you do be rooted in love. Are you committing to any of these resolutions? Let us know! When I was a new mother, just learning the hang of breastfeeding and mothering in general, a well-intentioned stranger told me that I should just use formula to make sure that "Dad shares some of the duties." I let it slide, not knowing what to say, but later that night, I couldn't shake the comment. Her comment implied two things: that I had to do it all and that my husband was a lazy participant in our child's life. But those implications were far from true. During those early weeks of my son's life, I rarely had to change a diaper in the middle of the night. Before a middle-of-the-night feeding, my dutiful husband would wake up and change the diaper. Eventually as we adjusted to this life, the middle of the night diaper changes slowed down, but the point remains. Moms don't have to do it all, and Dads don't have to stick to the sidelines. Regardless of what parenting style you choose and how you implement those teachings, parenting is no more for the mamas than the daddies. It is a team effort. Sure, there are some things that a dad cannot do (hello, breastfeeding!), but a dad can lovingly feed a bottle (breast milk or formula) to his own baby. End gender stereotypesMy husband continues to demonstrate his dedication to being an AP (Attachment Parenting) Dad.
Don't let anyone tell you that Attachment Parenting is for the weak or the mamas. It's more than just "parenting tips" - it has transformed our life.
In November, social media is plastered with gratitude posts and 30-day thankful challenges. We all feel a little warmer and kinder to others, but what about the rest of the year? Often, when parents are thinking of ways to make their home more loving and peaceful,they focus first on eliminating yelling and harsh discipline. But having an attitude of gratitude year-round is an expressway to happier living. How an attitude of gratitude can affect your lifeIncreases optimism
When you're consciously grateful, you're more likely to live with a glass half full. Improves self-esteem When you're grateful, you are more aware of all the good in your life and the good people around you. With that much goodness, you're bound to feel a little good yourself. Feel more rested A happy heart falls asleep quicker and easier. A troubled heart tosses and turns. I don't know about you but I sure like my sleep. Bring on the gratitude journal. Decreases stress When you look for things to be thankful for, the bad stuff doesn't seem so bad. When I have a lot of big projects coming due, I find myself saying things like "At least, once I'm done, I'll have time to read my new book." I'm less stressed because I'm grateful for something in the future. Decreases blood pressure When you're less stressed, your blood pressure improves. Win win. Reduces risk of depression This is linked back to the glass half full perspective of life. Improves E.I. Being grateful and practicing gratefulness helps to improve your emotional intelligence. This has the nice affect of reducing toxic negative emotions from your life. Leads to stronger relationships A beautiful affect of a grateful heart is that your relationships will become stronger, deeper, and healthier. Why? Because you appreciate more nuances of the relationship. If you are whizzing through life, you might miss out on the little things. And people, life IS the little things. My husband preps the coffee maker for me every morning. All I have to do is hit "brew" and my miracle drug pour into the carafe. It's a little thing, but I am grateful for it. Not because it gets me my caffeine fix faster, but because it reminds me how much my husband loves me, and I am surely grateful for that love. Increases spirituality While you're working on improving your attitude of gratitude, it may flow over into your spiritual life. After all, should we not be thankful for this beautiful life we are given? What are some ways that you practice gratitude? Gentle Parenting Myth #3: Parents who Practice Gentle Parenting Don't Have Any Time for Hobbies1/3/2017 Parenting takes effortWhether you are a helicopter parent or a free range mama, parenting is tough, tough work. Raising a child requires you to commit your time and your energy. It's easy to lose your sense of "self", to forgo some of your old hobbies, and get swept up in the consuming role of a parent. Heck, it's hard enough to drink your coffee while it's still hot! Committing to gentle parenting does not mean a bigger risk for losing personal timeThere's a myth circulating that parents who practice gentle parenting are so much more consumed with their children that they lack personal free time as well as time as a couple. The truth is, it is definitely easy to neglect other relationships, but that has nothing to do with gentle parenting. Any parent, regardless of parenting style, can lose their free time. Free time must be diligently scheduled. The key is balance. All parents must balance their role as parent and spouse and human being. It is important for a parent to foster a healthy, happy relationship with his/her spouse and friends. Children thrive in homes where they see their caregivers spending quality time together. Why parents need "me time"?Time spent doing what you love benefits not only you but your relationship with your children. Why is "me time" so important?
What do you like to do in your free time? Comment below!
Nearly every expectant mother has taken a stroll down the parenting section of a bookstore (or scrolled through it on a Kindle.) There is no shortage of parenting books. In fact, the market is pretty saturated, but there is a reason parents read about parenting strategies, methods, tips, and hacks. We all want parenting to be easier, to find some secret sauce that makes our bundles of joy ... well... joyful. So it makes sense that when we implement and diligently follow a certain method that we expect it to work. Myth #2This myth is actually the opposite of the first myth (that kids will rule the house and there will be no discipline). Myth #2 propogates the idea that if gentle parenting is so peaceful, then you should have angelic baby angels who comply at all times and never misbehave. Gentle parenting does not ensure 100% well-behaved childrenNewsflash! Children are... well... people. They are not "mini adults", but they are people. People with free will and big emotions, real feelings, and unique opinions. As such, kids who grow up are not automatically well-behaved. Why practice gentle parenting then?Gentle parenting is all about the long-term investment. You are raising the children of today, but you are also raising a man or woman of tomorrow. How they are raised now does affect who they will be tomorrow. The truth is that choosing to parent gently does not mean that your child will behave perfectly all of the time.
Yes, children will still throw tantrums and meltdown, but the point is that those tantrums are met with respect, listening, and empathy. Through the parental modeling of respect and empathy, the child learns respect and empathy. The goal of gentle parenting is not to create a perfect son or daughter. While the majority of the world models harsh responses (such as yelling) to unwanted behavior, the goal of gentle parenting is to model a response (ie. listening, etc) that can both teach and correct the child without damaging his/her emotional well-being. Have you encountered any resistance to your gentle parenting? |
About KatieWife & Mama with a passion for peaceful parenting, natural living, homeschooling... and my daily café au lait. Archives
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